A Testimony: The Belly Of A Hungry Wolf
Last night, I had an opportunity to share God’s story of rescue, redemption, hope in my own life with the Celebrate Recovery group at Brookwood Church in Simpsonville, SC.
Here is a brief excerpt of the testimony:
Just like Gomer and the Israelites, my cravings drove and enslaved me. Like the belly of a hungry wolf, I labored to feed them day and night. I knew all too well the huge hunger, a void that I could never seem to fill. Even today, I can fall prey to that same worldly hunger. Over the years, I’ve tried to fill it with relationships, with jobs, with shopping, with food, with alcohol and drugs, with the approval of others, and, sadly, even at times with ministry. No matter the method, the end result is always the same – dissatisfaction, emptiness, isolation, shame, frustration, brokenness, and despair.
I was attempting to treat an internal, spiritual problem with an external, physical solution. Like the Samaritan woman, I was drinking deeply of a worldly well and my thirst was never satisfied. The more I drank, the more I wanted. Each day, my thirst drove me ever more deeply into an endless well, searching for life, for satisfaction, for fulfillment, for peace. And each time, I came up more empty than before.
Psalm 106 says that the Israelites gave into their craving; they were bent on rebellion and because of that they wasted away in their sin. Paul warns us in Philippians 3:19 that when our god is our stomach, when our appetite is for the things of this world – whether it be acceptance, approval, fame, fortune, family, reputation, respect, security, whatever – that our destiny is destruction and our glory is in our shame.
I gave into my cravings and my rebellion led to an incredibly painful and disastrous drug and alcohol addiction, which resulted in medical issues, legal trouble, periods of homelessness, and relationships seemingly damaged beyond repair. Simply put, I lived to satisfy my appetites and the end result, my destiny, was destruction, shame, and death – death of my spirit, death of relationships, death of hope. Though I was physically alive, I felt nothing short of dead…
You can download or listen to the entire testimony by clicking the link below. (And, don’t let the introduction by my dad throw you. He introduces me by my maiden name. The old saying is true, “Once a daddy’s girl, always a daddy’s girl” And one correction, I stated my sobriety date as Sept. 7, 1976, which would have made me all of three years old. The correct date is Sept. 7, 1996. Click here to listen: zSHARE – SONG001.MP3.